Fictionkin
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Accepting Being Fictionkin
Accepting Being FictionkinBy AlmostAmalthea
I’ve thought a lot about myself, and about the fact that I feel like a qilin from Zamonia, in the books by Walter Moers. I have felt this way since my early childhood, although I’ve only recently learned the term “fictionkin”. I thought I was crazy, that I was suffering from personality disorders, but the more I tried NOT to be a qilin, the worse it became.
After several attempts to “correct” my identity in order to “feel human”, I made the decision – which was very difficult – to embrace this qilin identity, if only as a fursona character in my mind. I need this identity as a qilin, and would use any explanation as long as it worked. As long as it does not stop me from functioning normally in the human world, I don’t see a problem.
I talked to my therapist. I had been telling myself that I was crazy for what I felt. My therapist asked me if I am “wrong for trying to be human”. Then said that as long as I need to be a qilin to feel right as a person, I have to hang on to it because it makes me stronger. I have to maintain it. I have to use it to my advantage.
So I decided that I would share my thoughts by putting them on my blog, because the qilin is part of me. The qilin is me.
I also made the decision to fight against the shadowy entity that is in my head. After all it’s a part of my psyche. It is the expression of my fears, my anxieties, my suffering, and everything that is not healthy.
No one can do it for me. I have to face it alone.
Defending my mind.
Defending my forest.
Defending my HOME.
Oz: The Way I Knew It
Oz: The Way I Knew ItBy Elphaba Thropp
My name is Elphaba Thropp, or at least that is what the books will claim is my name. My father was not the Eminent Thropp, as Wicked will tell you it was. My Father was actually Oz himself, the very ruler of it. The name I was actually given by my father, as my mother had passed with my birth, was Ozma Elphaba of Oz. Oz was a busy man, inventing things and taking care of the land he had loved. Given Oz’s important duties and little time, I was often left in the care of my nanny, whom I considered to be an aunt to me and whom I believe was actually Oz’s sister. She was an older woman, who was also very kind to me and helped me with my abilities. She had a small cottage at the end of town where I would stay with her. The reason for it being close to town was so my father could see me when his duties allowed. He would also gift me things he made and sometimes found.
The Scarecrow character, as I remember him, was named Toppler. At least that is what I had called him after being given him by my father. Toppler was cursed or rather stricken with an illness or parasite of sorts. This parasite had him take the form of a scarecrow against his will. He had a human form,which in the book Wicked was called Fiyero, although I don’t know his actual human name for certain. Toppler was gifted to me with the intention of him being a guard to me as well as a companion. Though as time passed he started to develop feelings for me and I for him. I was still a young girl at the time so romance was new and I wasn’t very comfortable with displays of affection. This led to some hurt feelings on his part, due to my adverse reactions to his attempts of showing his devotion.
According to my memory the Emerald City was not made out of emeralds. It was in fact named after a natural phenomena much like the Aurora Borealis, though emerald in color. The city was made out of glass that was formed in such a way that it reflected the lights perfectly so it looked to be made out of emeralds. It was also very green environmentally, since they made sure to take care of the flora and fauna surrounding it. For this reason, the flowers and leaves were like Gemstones themselves. If a poisonous plant did grow nearby, they would quarantine the area it was spotted in until the issue was taken care of. For example, the Poppies were a type of flowering plant that if one happened to walk close to it, they would get drowsy and be at risk for going into a poppy pollen induced coma. The Yellow Brick road leading up to the city was not actually yellow, but a Metallic gold. The reason for the bricks being that shade was because the mud that it came from turned that color after going through the process used to make bricks.
This article was made for the purpose of sharing my memories and to also show a bit of the Oz I knew. I hope that this article will give fans of the books a fresh perspective on the land loved so much. The land of Oz is a extremely diverse place, filled with odd and exciting new things. I hope that others who are from there will come out of the wood work to share some of their own memories of Oz.
Awakening As Elsa
Awakening As ElsaBy Scandiacus
“Fictionkin”. I had scoffed at the word and its very implications. The concept of fictionkin has always seemed more than far-fetched. How could anyone possibly be a fictional character? How is it even remotely credible to claim to be someone from a piece of media that wasn’t even in existence until you were well into your twenties? It seems downright delusional, or even more, “wishful thinking”. Perhaps fictionkin all simply relate to the canon they are from, or the character or species they identify as.
I used to believe all this. I was a staunch advocate for otherkin and therians, but laughed at fictionkin. My mind automatically repelled any remote questions regarding the subject. Nothing could convince me that I was fictionkin, and I would never have believed that in the future I would identify as such. Yet, times do change, and one day my very world and my deepest beliefs spiraled out of control. It was a twister comprised of ice and snow. It blew away any doubts I had previously maintained, replacing everything with a pure, white sheet of new ideas.
It was a night in late September of 2014 that my life changed. Almost a year before, the movie, “Frozen” had come out in theaters. The world was raving about it, but I stood my ground, completely unaware of what the film was about. I have, after all, never been one to follow trends. Friends and acquaintances had urged me to see “Frozen”, but I would always mindlessly wave the idea away. It was a Disney movie. At best, I would laugh along with Olaf the Snowman’s antics. At worst, I would roll my eyes, and turn the movie off. Neither of these things happened, however. In fact, the result was so completely unexpected that it left me literally shaking. That September night started out as impressively boring and uneventful, though. I fiddled with pens, sat at my desk, and did my best to pass the time. My roommate that I was living with then was asleep in the other bedroom, and no one was online. I had been having insomnia, and obviously needed something to do. I surely couldn’t sleep.
The idea struck me: I was going to give in. I was going to give “Frozen” a chance to (perhaps) impress me as well. For all I knew it would put me under the same spell it had everyone else. Maybe I would become a zombie, impulsively buying related merchandise at Hot Topic, or obsessively fangirling over Kristoff on Tumblr. I knew nothing of the characters at the time, however, and had little clue that “Frozen” would indeed become a large part of my life, albeit not in the way anyone would expect. So, I carefully loaded the DVD my parents had bought due to the recent acclaim into my computer’s disc tray, and began to watch.
The first thing that I noticed was that the film started out much like a stage musical. In theater-esque lighting, men paraded around, rhythmically cutting ice from a lake, and loading it on to a cart. “Beware the frozen heart”, they sang, which I should have taken as an omen. Then came the scene with Elsa and Anna as children. As Anna playfully coaxed Elsa out of bed, and the two ran downstairs to the ballroom, something struck me. At first I simply suspected that I just related to Elsa, but there was more to it than that. There was something eerily familiar about everything. When Elsa struck Anna by accident, and froze her head, I began to panic. Something wasn’t right. Something was far from normal about this movie. Like no other movie I had ever seen, “Frozen” was beginning to bring to light something hidden from me all my life in this body. Chills ran down my spine to my toes, causing an icy shiver. Everything began to seem like deja vu. I was drawn in, and all I could think was, ‘I remember this!” I was starting to become unable to watch. I had to pause the film to catch a breath. Was this really happening? Was lack of sleep to blame? Yet I knew, deep in my soul, that there was far more to all these emotions than that. I reluctantly pressed play again. The “Let It Go” sequence came on, and like a sad nostalgia, filled my ears and eyes with memories. The North Mountain was so familiar, the lighting was so right, and everything felt so real. I continued to watch, ultimately traumatized by the events to come. It was me. It was all my fault. I had frozen Anna’s heart. I was the one to blame for this mess. As the movie ended, I started to put everything together. Barely able to look at pictures of Elsa’s face…my face…I began to struggle with a panic attack. It felt so real. Chills went down to my toes, as my eyes filled with tears. I couldn’t believe what was happening. Could this be what an awakening feels like?
For a few days I tried to shrug everything off, but my mind was endlessly crowded with thoughts, questions, and for the first time in my life, answers. I remembered that when I was only eleven years old, phantom snow used to fill my room. A friend of mine, whose mother was a professional psychic healer, had commented without prior knowledge, holding up her hands as if catching snowflakes. “Snow!” she had exclaimed, surprised. Initially, I had said, “Maybe it’s a haunting. Maybe it’s due to a ghost who died in snow”, but this had never felt right. Was the answer here now? My nights became restless with dreams about flurries. The more I would deny that I was Elsa, the more it would snow in this dream world.
Eventually, I began to scour the internet for information on fictionkin. I pulled up sites describing almost exactly what I had been experiencing. Inside, there was an odd sigh of relief. I was not otherkin as I had originally thought. There was a reason I had never pinpointed a kintype. I was fictionkin. I had to admit it. I had to surrender to the truth. Once I did, my life began to change. I felt more in touch with my inner being, and the storm began to clear. I knew that somewhere in the Multiverse, I was Elsa. Or I had been Elsa. Or I would be Elsa. After all, according to the Multiverse Hypothesis, there are perhaps an infinite number of universes. If you ask most metaphysical communities, time isn’t linear, either. Someone had clearly either tapped into the “Frozen” canon, or had somehow made Arendelle a real place.
I was born in June of 1989. I was a little baby girl on a summer day. This summer day had given rise to my body in this life, but I was reborn to the public in November of 2013, and reborn to myself in September 2014. My whole world had been changed in such unexpected ways. Now I know where I come from. I know the past, I know the future. Yet, most importantly, I know myself.
Awakening As Fictionkin After An Otherkin Awakening
Awakening As Fictionkin After Awakening As OtherkinBy AlmostAmalthea
I enjoyed reading The 13 1/2 lives of Captain Bluebear by Walter Moers. I took my time to read this fat book, because the world of Zamonia described in this book looks very close to my home world as I percive it.
Let’s look at the details :
My Home, is composed of a large forest bordered to the east and west by mountains, with a vast desert plain in the south, and a beach and sea to the north. The forest is full of rivers, and in the mountains, there are deep caverns. In Zamonia, there is the Great Forest, with mountains to the east and the west, caves in the western mountains, a desert to the south, and the sea to the north.
In my home world, among the most important creatures, is the Shadow, an arachnid creature weaving cobwebs in the forest and fought by unicorns. Its place of residence changes from time to time and it is not native to the region. There were also the Archives, the memories of all things that are carefully preserved by various creatures dwelling in the caves. Amazingly, what is found in the Great Forest of Zamonia, is the Spiderwitch, giant arachnid creature that devours everything that crosses its path. In the caves in the western mountains, there is an academy run by Professor Nightingale, who has seven brains and extraordinary knowledge. Professor Nightingale knows by heart the encyclopedia he wrote, himself.
Among the species living in my home world are dragons, unicorns, phoenix and other creatures of the forest. Zamonia also has these creatures, but that is not necessarily a telling coincidence, as these mythological creatures are also found in Harry Potter.
As for the trip to and from my home world and my home now, lies a kingdom in the Astral. Therefore to get in or out, one must go through a universe with a greater number of dimensions – so time becomes a navigable dimension. In other words, traveling from one realm to the other, it is possible at the same time to move to any point in space and time.
In meditations performed while reading, the messages from my “guides” and other spiritual beings were, “This place is Zamonia” and “You are from Zamonia” as well as, “Zamonia is one of the multidimensional realms in the Astral ” or ” You’re from the Astral Plane of Zamonia”, and other variations. Such information does not mean much of course, but if one adds all previous coincidences, and what will follow in this text, the similarities become quite astonishing.
During my reading, different thoughts popped into my mind, coming from out of nowhere, and certainly not from the same bag as my usual thoughts throughout my reading. It’s disturbing, bizarre, confusing and overall, creepy. When it comes to hobgoblins, creatures similar to will’o’the whisp and feeding off the fear of other living beings, I thought, ‘I know them, they are a little like haunted houses. They are not dangerous, just annoying.’ When I read about SS Moloch, a gigantic ship, ‘It has long rusted away.’ The Academy Prof. Nightingale? ‘Prof. Nightingale no longer works here, now knowledge is shared between many entities to be more secure, and avoid what happened to Nightingale. The poor professor lost it in the amount of Information he received.’ The Spiderwhitch? ‘The Shadow appears in the physical world in the guise of a giant arachnoid creature.’ After finding information on the book, Ensel und Krete, which has not been translated yet, I thought, ‘We were not there when the Shadow arrived but it is not native to the Forest. The Great Forest is empty of life, but only in the places inhabited by the Shadow.’ I thought about the Sugar Desert in the book, ‘The Sugar Desert is what eventually replaced the great plains’, but I also knew that the plains were growing grass again. It is all part of the cycle. I thought about the city of Atlantis. I knew that it was a place I had visited during the first days of its existence. I knew, however, that physical creatures can not see us because we exist in a parallel plane. I knew that all I was reading occurred before or after the time I spent in Zamonia, because we are outside of time when in the Astral Plane of Zamonia.
Of course we can rationalize. Of all the stories written, I was inevitably going to find one in which a fictional universe would look more or less like my Home. One only has to look at a book on the sinking of a ship named Titan, and draw similarities with the sinking of the Titanic. We can also say that spiders are one of the most primitive fears ingrained in human beings, and many authors include giant spiders living in forests in stories. (An example of a book with a giant spider would be The Hobbit.) The geographical area is not an exception either. I am sure that many would find (cardinal orientation aside) a lot of real or fictional places matching my home world’s geography.
Long story short, it is my responsibility to decide between whether I am an original species living in the fictional world of Zamonia, or if the similarities I have mentioned are only coincidental. I prefer to keep everything simple, though, and say that, yes, I am from Zamonia.